Pendulum

Jesus Christ been here and gone
What a painful price to pay
He's left his life in a thunderstorm
Tears cold dark eyes upon
Swing pendulum, swing low
Got no place to call my own
Oh my Lord don't you bother me
I'm as tired as a man can be
I'm as tired as a man can be

Jesus Christ been here and gone
What a painful place to leave
With frost on the limbs of a cherry tree
This cold, cold wind is buryin' me
Swing pendulum, swing slow
Got no time to call my own
Oh my Lord don't you bother me
I'm as tired as a man can be
I'm as tired as a man can be

-Mark Lanegan

Here i am. Up again at 6 in the fucking morning! The other day i woke up at 5:30 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep.

Now here i am, up before the sun again. Aw, all the joys that come with working "grave yard shift." I use to really like it, well, i take that back, i still do in a lot of ways, but my sleeping patterns don't flow well with my kids' schedules. I feel so tired all the time, except....

When i'm cooking! Ah, i can't tell you how much i enjoy it! I feel kinda stupid saying that, cuz i never for once thought cooking was fun. I use to hate cooking. The other weekend i made these chicken enchiladas. FUNNEST dish ever to make!! From making the salsa verde to rolling the enchiladas, i thought that was the funnest dish i've made yet. And to my surprise when i deboned my chicken, i thought i'd be all grossed out but it was kinda fun ripping off the meat to a whole cooked chicken.
I kind of feel silly saying this, but it relaxes me, it really does, and i've heard so many chefs say that it is very relaxing to them. It gives me some focus, i only think about what i'm cooking, you can't let your mind wander to some other shit. You are completely and totally focused on cooking. I love it!! I love working with food, it's so fun!
And not to mention, a lot of the dishes i've been playing with (a good majority of them are Rachel Rays) are really healthy! I feel so much better about myself, and the food doesn't taste like diet food, it's really delicious. One of the reasons it's been so hard for me to eat healthy, is because all the stuff i had been trying that was "healthy" for you, had no flavor. Tasteless.
I really like that fact that when i cook for myself, i have total control over how much ingredients i use, and more importantly i KNOW what is going into my food.
I'm starting to get so grossed out when i look at the ingredients to a bag of chips, or some t.v. dinners i've been living off of.
It's been kind of fun having Justin try my food too cuz this is a man who once said to me,"if i could eat my food in pill form i would."
I'm hoping to kind of change his mind about food, that what your eating is life, its vibrate and wonderful. I've had so many different flavors flow through my mouth in the last 2 months. I feel so pissed at myself that for so long i've deprived my thousands and thousands of taste buds the joys of being used!
Like this weekend i discovered my new favorite candy! Dark chocolate covered coffee beans! FUCKING YUM!! I made a coffee shake with them that was awesome!! About a cup and a half of cold strong brewed coffee, about 3 big scoops of coffee ice cream, and about 6 or 7 dark chocolate covered coffee beans, blended together in a blender!
Oh my god, the best frozen coffee shake EVER!!!
I want to toy with the drinks a little and try cold espresso, but that's one barista no no, is you don't let your espresso go cold cuz it loses its flavor. But i have seen some frozen coffee recipes where it does ask for cold espresso.
Ah, to experiment with food, i love it!

Anyhow, in that aspect of my life at this point i'm feeling good about it and have accidentally put myself into a fork in the road.
I definitely have some sort of direction now of where i want to go, what i want to do in the grand scheme of things. Which really is a huge weight off my shoulders in a sense cuz now i have two things i can push for. If one thing doesn't pan out, i can try for the other. Or maybe i can bond the two somehow.

But all of this total fantasy at this point, of me leaving my current job and going off to be a chef or a barista somewhere, is TOTALLY teasing me right now! Jesus Christ, the last two months it has been SO hard for me to go to work. And when i'm at work, it has been so hard to make myself stay for an full shift. It sucks! I'm so sick of my job, so sick of the company i work for.
And i just get pissed at work and think about how much money i could of made making a latte right now, than hanging stickers on store shelves.
I see Starbucks everyday, especially early mornings on weekdays just pumping out the customers. One after the other, after the other. And I have to grip the wheel of my car, take a deep breath and count to ten cuz i get so MAD!!! That could be MY coffee shop pumping out the customers and actually giving them their money's worth for their coffee! Fuck man, each person walking out of that Starbucks at least paid $4 for their coffee. When you add that up, that's crazy profits.
And i have ideas in my head of what i want my shop to look like & to feel like. Almost to the point of where i'm already starting to create my coffee menu.
It's exciting to me, and i feel completely pumped about it! I threw out my idea to my brother, and he was surprisingly supportive, he thought it was a really cool idea.
I want like a Sisters Espresso environment where it's a kind of Victorian or European style house. I really want to go for the Amsterdam coffee house type look and feel. One thing i remember most about this one coffee shop we got our hash shakes at, i remember i loved the house it was in. It had an upstairs that was really cool, it had like glass on some of the floors so you could see downstairs.
It was kind of small but it had a cozy atmosphere to it.
My all white canvas in my head is starting to get paint splashed on to it now!

The depressing part to me though, is this future that i'm looking towards seems so long and bumpy right now. All i know is i'm gonna stick with my job now so i can prepare, practice and practice and practice.
I mean i'm still a little undecided about my espresso. I need to go back to certain coffee shops and compare their drinks to mine.


But anyhow, that's my thoughts for now. See ya...

Ron Paul on Federal Reserve, banking and economy

"The Project for a New American Century, as recently as September 2000, likewise, foresaw the need for “a Pearl Harbor event” that would galvanize the American people to support their ambitious plans to ensure political and economic domination of the world, while strangling any potential “rival.” Recognizing a “need” for a Pearl Harbor event, and referring to Pearl Harbor as being “lucky” are not identical to support and knowledge of such an event, but this sympathy for a galvanizing event, as 9-11 turned out to be, was used to promote an agenda that strict constitutionalists and devotees of the Founders of this nation find appalling is indeed disturbing."
- Ron Paul on the floor of Congress, July 10, 2003

Now the last two posts i have tried to put up here for my cheer leading for Congressman Ron Paul who is running for President have mysteriously been deleted.
Hmmm, i smell big brother...

Anyhow, I'm gonna try this again and see what happens. Ok, so here we go...

Ron Paul is a Congressman from Texas, he's a doctor (an OBGYN, ha) and he is the closest thing i can find that really stands true to what i want in a president at this point. He actually knows the real problems that are going on.
He's calling to abolish the Federal Reserve, who no one has tried to do sense JFK and Abraham Lincoln. Unfortunately they both were assassinated for it. Ron Paul appeared in Aaron Russo's "From Freedom To Fascism" talking about how the Federal Reserve is private, and our income tax is going to pay these private bankers. Sad to say, but our income tax law is void. There is no law, and no body seems to have the balls to say it but Ron Paul.
Ron Paul is for marijuana rights.
And yes, he is a Libertarian Republican, and yes, i am whole heartily supporting him for President.
None of the main stream media has even announced on T.V. that Ron Paul is running, no one but Lou Dobbs i might add. Lou Dobbs interviewed Ron Paul last month about it.
Sometime this month though, CNN is hosting the Republican Presidential Debate and Ron Paul will be there. So I'll definitely be recording that.
Two years ago i probably would of never in a million years support a Republican. But i've come to realize, that the simply fact is... There is NO difference between say Barack Obama and Rudy Guiliani. No difference.
Now i'm not saying ALL Democrats are bad, there are some good ones, but the "all stars" at this point are all bought and paid for, especially Hillary Clinton.

Cynthia McKinney from Georgia i liked a lot, and she got it bad right before she was voted out of Congress.
She was the ONLY one to question Rumsfeld about the TRILLIONS missing from the Pentagon, which Rumsfeld was being questioned about on September 10, 2001. And the accounting office that held all of the Pentagons records, just happen to be located right where the "plane" had hit it.


Both parties are bought and paid for, the Democrats are total hypocrites and are no better than the Republicans. I'm convinced. I'm totally convinced.
So i'm supporting on of the very few Republicans who voted against the war in the first place, and voted against sending more troops over to Iraq.

Ron Paul is very similar to Dennis Kucinich. In fact i really believe these two should get together a Paul/Kucinich ticket, that could actually work.

The video i posted earlier is a speech he gave on the House floor on July 10, 2003. It was a speech called "Neo-CONNED!"
A man in Kentucky thought he'd be a good citizen, the way he was seeing his country fall to shit and he made a copy of this Ron Paul speech and gave a copy of it to a police officer.
The next day the police officer arrested the man and charged him with making a "terroristic threat."
Unfuckingbeleveable when you listen to the whole speech. All Ron Paul says is simply the truth. He tells of what the Neo Cons have done sense they took office.
The video i posted is where the speech really gets good, it's part 9 of 11 i think. The whole speech is about 45 minutes long.
But going through Ron Paul speeches i have to be impressed.

So check him out, he's the shit!

"Let it not be said that no one cared, that no one objected once it’s realized that our liberties and wealth are in jeopardy. A few have, and others will continue to do so, but too many—both in and out of government—close their eyes to the issue of personal liberty and ignore the fact that endless borrowing to finance endless demands cannot be sustained. True prosperity can only come from a healthy economy and sound money. That can only be achieved in a free society." -Ron Paul July 10, 2003

Neo Con Agenda By Congressman Ron Paul

Bill on the JFK assassination

People come up to me and say, "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile." "Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?" - Bill Hicks


Hey long time no blog eh?
I've been in a weird mood the entire month of February. My reading into the JFK assassination, and what i feel is an awakening as to how corrupt governments conduct business, and that it is no different than what i watch on the Sopranos. That realization has really made me into a very angry person. "What use to seem normal to me, all of a sudden is insane."
I mean i always have been a person with a lot of pent up anger, and i think that's why i'm so shy sometimes around people, because if i really said what was on my mind, i'd probably get punched in the mouth.
Especially all month long in February i've been rather angry. Seeing our media totally having a public orgasm over the whole Britney Spears spoiled brat drama, along with the whole Anna Nicole Smith bullshit.
AHHH!! Just blogging about here i can feel my blood boil, the fact that these two dip shits are even being covered on CNN day and night pisses me off to no fucking end. They have a channel on t.v. for this mindless moronic shit, it's called the E! Entertainment channel!!

I'm so fucking pissed at our new media. I really just wanna pull my hair out!

But with them being so obsessed with that shit has actually opened a whole new door for me. I've started watching a lot of cooking shows and travel shows. I use to be a headline news whore, i'd have it playing on t.v. in the background while i cleaned the house. Not anymore. I spent my mornings fighting sleep during the weekdays watching Food Network.
Along with the travel channels shows on Europe especially Italy, ah Italy next year i will see you! :-)
I've been cooking A LOT more than i use to, and i have discovered i really like cooking! It's actually very therapeutic for me, just like making espresso, it relaxes me.
I've gotten some positive responses from people who have ate my cooking. So far only 2 people, just like with my coffee i'm not that self confident with my cooking to have people like say my mother try it just yet. My chicken jambalaya so far has had the best "that's good shit" response.
My personal favorite was this meatball pizza i saw Rachel Ray cook, who i love, besides her little air head comments she makes sometimes, i love the stuff she cooks! It was awesome!! I've made pizza before and it has never really turned out very good, but this time i didn't have to roll out the dough with the flour on the counter or anything (i hate working with dough, i suck at it!) it was really easy and it tasted so fucking good!
I already have 3 of her cook books.
Another chef i like on Food Network is Tyler Florance. He has a recipe for enchiladas that i wanna try really bad, cuz instead of chili like my mom uses he uses salsa verde for the enchilada sauce.
So yeah, even though my anger level has been raised by the stupidity of our mainstream media, it's balanced out and soothed with cooking :-) So it all works out i guess, i watch less news, which is good for me. Watching too much of it makes me very angry.