God damn it!  Well this just sucks!  I went and bought some melatonin today, even read a chapter about insomnia and sleeplessness in my "Mars on Ice Venus on Fire" book, in which he even recommends melatonin. Anyhow, it worked in making me sleepy and i slept for a good 2 and half hours but it failed in keeping me asleep.  In the chapter of my Mars and Venus book i read he goes into how sleep is essential for lowering stress levels and relaxing, and how it's good for your overall well being to get a good nights sleep.  He didn't however address the issue of people who work nights and have a hard time sleeping good at night.
Oh well, i guess.  I finally finished that "Mars on Ice Venus on Fire" book though, i started it the beginning of the year i think and never finished it till yesterday.  It was good, like all his other books i finished it with a sense of having goals and motivation and a better understanding of my boyfriend and how his brain is wired as opposed to mine.
One of the things i could totally relate with in the chapter where he was covering insomnia, he talked about how women tend to wake up from sleep and have a million things on their mind and start worrying about things, or they tend to their "to do list", he says women have a never ending "to do list" which is so true it's not even funny. Which is why most women when they come home from work can't just sit down and relax because they come home and see all the shit that needs to be done around the house, and it makes stress levels rise, rather than in a man when he comes home from work his stress levels come down cuz he can just come home and flop in front of the t.v. and relax. 
It's so true though, i'll be tired as fuck when i come home from work, even on a day i had school the day before and i'll come home and see shit on the kitchen table or the front living room and i'll start to pick shit up instead of just relaxing.  It's so true, there is always shit to do in the mind of a woman.
Well, anyway, tomorrow is the last day of the year.  I'm pretty proud of myself for the stuff i set out for myself at the beginning of the year, and i accomplished all of it!  I started out with two new years resolutions, and that was to get my high school diploma (check) and to start culinary school (check)!  So since i followed through with my goals this year i come into 2011 with an optimism of new goals i have set for myself.  I'm gonna try my damnist to keep to em just like i did this year. 
So here is my list of goals for 2011:

1. Fully concentrate on my schooling and not miss so many days like i did this last semester.
2. Work on my relationship with my boyfriend, don't dwell on past mistakes he or i have made and hopefully get him to read Men are From Mars Women are From Venus, which will help us with our communication and we can work from there TOGETHER.  I realized the last 6 months that i can't make miracles work on my own. I confided in him that this year, without a doubt in my mind, has been the most difficult for me emotionally because of the last 6 months. A relationship is a team effort and i ultimately need his help, attention and support if we're gonna make our relationship work.  He says he's willing to do anything to make it work, so hopefully that anything includes reading John Gray's book, which has helped me.
3. Concentrate more on my health by eating healthier, concentrating more on what i put in my body, and possibly if i can afford to buy a treadmill so i can exercise more. Try and lose some weight, i'm not gonna set my goals too high being that i am in culinary school, but ya know a good 20 pounds is a good goal to have.
I walk a shit load at work, but adding more to that wouldn't hurt. I have fallen off the wagon and started drinking soda more than i should, eating processed msg food again and fast food.  I did however start drinking my green superfood smoothies everyday like i use to, my boyfriend even bought me a new blender for Xmas, so that is already a step in the right direction.  I love em, they give me great energy and you don't have that sugar or caffeine crash.
4.  Last but not least, find a job closer to home!  Ever since we moved i've still been stuck working across town which a good 40 minute drive away.  I will try real hard to find a job in the bakery if i can, if not well i guess i'll have to suck it up and be a cashier again or just out right find a new job all together!  We'll see, but that is a goal i'm setting for myself.


And that's pretty much it, i think it sums up the most important factors in my life that i think need my immediate attention in order to fulfill my happiness.  One thing John Gray did point out in the book i just finished that really hit me is he pointed out that your mate is not responsible for your happiness.  They are responsible for 10% of your happiness, that 10% is the most important but they are not responsible for the other 90%, that is fully your own responsibility.  They way he put it is, your mate is suppose to make your happier not happy.  Which i totally resonate with.  He pointed out women who were married and divorced and live alone and are totally happy always tell him the reason why they're happy now is because they learned how to make themselves happy and not to rely on someone else to fulfill their happiness. 
My boyfriend obviously makes me happy or i wouldn't of stayed with him this long, but it's not up to him to make me happy or to entertain me, that ultimately relies on myself.  Which is so true and i wish i would of known that at the beginning of our relationship, it would of saved us a lot of anguish and stress.  Ha, a lot of stuff John Gray has taught me i wish i would of known back when we first got together, maybe it would of saved me the 2 years i lost when i was in a depression! 
See, like i said i love reading his books cuz i walk away with a greater understanding of my relationship and i have a rejuvenated feeling of goals to set for us and positivity runs through me.  I great attitude to have going into the new year, yet again this new year i will be looking at it like i did this last year.  This is the last year of my life, i'm setting goals for myself and i will accomplish them!  Happy New Year ya'll!!

Ahh! I can't sleep again!  I made the mistake of taking a nap earlier and now i can't sleep when i'm suppose to be asleep.  Typical.  So it's the wretched holiday season, fucking Xmas again, boo fucking hoo!!  I finished my shopping early this year (yay, me!)  Even wrapped most of the presents and they are under the tree already.  I didn't do a whole lot of online shopping this year, i did the majority of it for the girls at Target.  Really the only thing about the holidays i like is the holiday pay at work and the baking and cooking.  Haven't done a whole lot of the baking yet.  The girls and me tried to make cookies with the cookie presses my boyfriend and my dad bought for me a while ago.  I think my dough needed a little more water because they were kind of hard to press out, we landed up making only like six cookies.
Today we're gonna make gingerbread people.  My daughter calls it our girls night cuz my boyfriend will be gone tonight. 
So school has been good, when i've actually have been there.  I've missed SOOO much school the last two months, i feel bad, it's gonna take me forever just to get through level one now.
This week is our last week then we're on Xmas break for two weeks.  I quite honestly have been having some doubts in myself and my decision to do the whole culinary school thing.  For one, the school is fun and all but like i've said before it's not as technically oriented as i would like.  I really wish i could afford to go to a better school, but i'm poor folk!  So far this year i've only made $20,000!!!  Seriously, i mean who makes that?  Me!!  Starting next year though i'm seriously gonna start looking for doughnut fryer positions around where i live so i won't have to drive across town anymore, or maybe just see if i could find a Starbucks position in a Safeway if i get desperate enough. 
I'm gonna look at the new year in the same light that i did last year, i'm gonna look at it like it's the last year of my life and i'm gonna set some goals for myself and go for it.  This last year i did that and i set out and got my High School Diploma, AND started going to culinary school!  I can do it!  I have to say though, this last year has been the most stressful in a long time.  We bought a house, i started school, and it all kind of put a financial stress on us.  This is the first year in all of our 8 years together that we got in a fight about money!  Our first time ever!!  You talk to most couples and they argue about money a lot, well not us.
I dunno, gotta look at the glass half full right?  Our 8 year anniversary is on the 17th.  Kind of sad though, i don't have anymore money to spend on him.  December in general is financially stressful, i got Xmas, my dad's birthday, my mother's birthday and our anniversary all in one month!  I really wanted to get my boyfriend something really cool this year too because last year, totally fucking surprise he got me this cute little laptop i'm typing on right now!  And it has been absolutely awesome having my very own computer the last year, and i really wanna repay him cuz i feel like i can never top this kick ass present he bought me for a holiday i absolutely, with every fiber of my being, dislike.  That and i can't believe we've been together 8 years, it's crazy.  I never thought anyone could put up with me and my craziness.  Ahh, but i wouldn't trade the time i've spent with him to spend with anyone else in the whole world. 
Ok, i'll stop, i'm getting all sentimental.
Well, work sucks as usual.  Last week my the lady i work with who runs our department went on vacation so i had to cover for her.  Of coarse we had a reset while she was gone, on a Tuesday night of all nights.  Tuesday nights is our biggest nights for price changes cuz that's when the old ad ends and the new one starts, and resets are when a crew of people come in and set in new product and move shit around on the shelves.  It's a real pain in the ass for us cuz we have to make all the price tags the reset crew needs and we can't hang any tags we have down any aisles that they're working down, we have to wait till they're done, which usually isn't till like 5 in the morning when our shifts are ending and everyone is getting ready to leave for the day!  This time around it wasn't too bad, but i still got an hour of overtime waiting on them.  Other than that the week went by really smooth.  I got a night off in the middle of the week, and i actually got a Friday night off for a change.  The lady i work with knows i'm in school now, so i think she split up some of the shifts cuz of that, which is funny cuz i didn't even go to school all last week!  I really hope Chef Tim doesn't give me shit about it on Tuesday.  Oh well, i'll find out.
Well, i'm gonna go, i've ran out of things to talk about.  See ya later...