So i thought i'd give an update & document the weird shit i feel right now. Justin was sentenced on March 16 to 15 years in prison, 5 years parole and life time probabtion. I just went on the colorado DOC website & looked him up and saw his mug shot. After not having seen him in a year, seeing him in the orange jump suit made my heart fucking drop. The look on his face is defiantly weird, like nothing i've seen. He looks very humbled, like in a bad way. I couldn't stop looking at it, and all i could think was,"you fucking idiot!! You fucking asshole". I honestly can't bear the thought of him and what he is going to be going through in the next fifteen years, seven if he gets out early which is more than a possability. What hurt most of all seeing his picture i think is that he is my youngest daughters father. I feel so sorry for her that she won't get to grow up with her dad in her life. My second kid to grow up without a dad, it breaks my fucking heart.
On top of all this shit, now i'm kinda fighting with his family. The sister & i got into a text message argument, how it got started i dunno, but it ended with the sister telling her cousin to stay out of their lives and to stay away from her children! All i remember saying was i want to ask her parents questions about why they didn't do anything about my ex when he was a kid because the cousin accused him of molesting her when they were kids. And i get the excuse from the family that no one believed her because she was a bad kid when she was that age?! Seems kind of fucked up to me and to everyone else that i tell about this crazy shit. Anyway, so the sister got all up in arms when i said that and apparently didn't know the cousin had told me about all this shit.
Anyhow, so i let my feelings out that i don't feel like they want to hear what my daughter has to say about how she feels about what happened to her. Because when i asked if they were going to the sentencing, they said no because my daughter is going to have her letter read in court. That really offended me and really quite frankly pissed me off! So to make a long story short, Justin's mom agreed to read my daughter's letter so me and my friend decide it'll be a good idea to send her letter to their whole family, because myself and my daughter want all of them to read her letter. Well, my friend, who was also good friends with Justin for years, mailed her letters for me but decided to put in his little 2 cents along with my daughter's letter. So to be fair, i tell the mom about my friends letter & that if they don't want to read his letter to not read it. I have not heard a word from them since!
Justin's brother landed up texting me a few days ago asking if he could take my kids with him to see his grandma. My daughter didn't want to go, she's fucking pissed at all of them, and i don't blame her. So i told him just to take my younger daughter, and he did and he came and got her & brought her back later. I asked my daughter later if any of them asked about me, and she said no. Wow. So on top of everything i've already been through, i gotta deal with this shit.
Oh well, i'm trying so hard to move on. Wine has helped a lot :) My Maynard James Keenan obsession i once held many years back has resurfaced in the aftermath of all of this! :-D I have to keep some glimmer of hope alive that all men aren't pieces of shit. I've developed a crush on one of our cooks, only catch is, he's only working once in a while for Whole Foods now, so I'll see him like once every month. Which sucks cause i use to work with him all the time! It wasn't until he left & then came back after like a few months, and i saw him working in the seafood department, that i really noticed how hot he is! Go figure huh? He's so cute though, he saw me the other day and winked at me, i got all thrilled :-D It's been SO long, i forgot what it was like having a crush on someone! Well, i just saw Justin's picture and kind of freaked out & had to vent a little & also give an update on my situation. Keeping the faith and living day to day. Wish me luck...